What's Your Fat Hog?
My grandfather was a colorful, engaging man, brimming with stories and isms that always seemed to leave his audiences a bit spellbound—which delighted him to no end. That, along with his crooked smile and the fact that his eyes actually twinkled earned him the nickname Sneaky Pete. His maxims have been told and retold so many times that I can no longer remember which ones he actually said to me. Such is the breadth of his mythos.
One of my favorite sayings in his repertoire was the declaration that someone “bit a fat hog in the ass,” which was his delightful way of telling them they bit off more than we could chew. Whether it was ever uttered to me directly or not doesn’t really matter since I will never forget it in either case. But here’s the thing about me and Fat Hogs that makes me think he never did: I did not often bite them (and not just because I’m a vegetarian).
Throughout my time studying and working with introverts, I’ve come to discover this is not unique to me. Many introverts that I have known have been brilliant, competent, and creative people. Yet they often don’t feel that they can take initiative in taking a leap—asking for the promotion, writing the book, quitting the job before they have the next step meticulously mapped out. Why is this?
The science is in, introverts and extraverts function differently because they are different. Introverts are more likely to be listeners rather than speakers, observers rather than players, and to think rather than act in comparison to their more extroverted counterparts.
Our reticence is often born out of a thoughtfulness and aversion to conflict. This aversion may be so unconscious that we equate going after what we want with conflict because it might inconvenience someone else. We can do this without even realizing it. We must learn the value of bringing our best selves to the world outweighs the possibility of irking some people along the way. It is why we are here. It is time for introverts to bite our Fat Hogs.
For those who have already chomped down and are finding yourselves in that paralyzed panic of not knowing what you got yourself into, I have one question: Is it true? Stop and look at things as objectively as possible. Do you not have any of the needed knowledge or skills to make it happen? Have you never done anything at all similar in the past? Can you not think of one other time in your life where you have done something hard and it worked out?
“Is it true?” has become my go-to mantra/question, both for myself and for those I’m lucky enough to work with as clients. It may not take away all the fear and anxiety (in fact I would argue if it did, then they didn’t bite nearly large enough of a hog) but it’s a call back to themselves. The thing is it’s never true, at least not entirely. And if it’s not true then we just need to figure out a plan to make it happen.
One of my favorite tools to employ when I hit this point is actually another question. This one comes curtesy of Gary Keller and his book The ONE Thing. The question he poses is the same that I ask when my clients hit that impasse:
“WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU CAN DO SUCH THAT BY DOING IT EVERYTHING ELSE WILL BECOME EASIER OR UNNECESSARY?”
Keller doesn’t call the book The ONE Thing for no reason. The thoughtful introvert will look at a goal and see all of the things: all of the tasks down to the most minute, all of the potential setbacks down to the most extremely unlikely (I once talked myself out of sending an email because what if the economy collapses tomorrow?). However, the key to making this work really is identifying the one thing, not the top five things, or the top twenty.
I’m not insinuating that this part is easy. Empathy is a strong driver for introverts and because of that we are programmed to look at things from every angle. This can apply even to our to-do lists. Deciding which task has value over another can be a struggle in and of itself. But even if you get it “wrong,” you’ve still moved closer to your end goal. Once that one thing is completed, you pick the next one thing. As a fun bonus, the introvert ability to focus on what’s important comes swooping in as major strength here.
That’s it. One thing and then another thing, and then another. That’s how you move past this Fat Hog and onto the next. I’m going to throw one more aphorism in here for good measure, this one from my Mother: It’s simple, not easy. But you can do it. I know you can.
**There is one more component to this topic that I didn’t address here: Fear of the Fat Hog. Paralysis by analysis is a real threat to introverts bringing their gifts to us all. If you’re finding yourself in this position—on the edge of taking The Leap but unable to move forward—I may be able help. I honestly believe that empowered introverts will save the world. The more people I can help get there the better. Coaching can be an incredible means to help you take that step.